


RC #333, Mission #10: Open The Door, Get On The Floor

by SkarmorySilver



Series: Protectors of the Plot Continuum: Response Center #333 [14]
Category: Jurassic Park - All Media Types, Jurassic World Trilogy (Movies), My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Protectors of the Plot Continuum
Genre: Department of Floaters, Department of Implausible Crossovers, Mini-Discords, Missions Gone Wrong, PPC Mission, Sporking - Freeform, WTF, badfic, character replacement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-21 15:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17046536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkarmorySilver/pseuds/SkarmorySilver
Summary: “‘Monster’ is a relative term. To a canary, a cat is a monster. We're just used to being the cat.”— Dr. Henry Wu,Jurassic World(2015)In which everybody walks the dinosaur.





	RC #333, Mission #10: Open The Door, Get On The Floor

**Author's Note:**

> \- **Copyright Disclaimer:** The PPC and all related property belong to Jay and Acacia. _The Incredibles_ (Sarah’s home continuum) belongs to Pixar and Brad Bird. _Kid Icarus_ and _Pokémon_ (the home continuua of Cupid and Lapis, respectively) belong to Nintendo and any affiliated companies thereof. _Jurassic Park_ (Ripper’s home continuum) belongs to Universal Pictures and Michael Crichton, and _Jurassic World_ specifically belongs to Legendary Pictures and Colin Trevorrow. _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ belongs to Hasbro and was originally created by Lauren Faust. Agents Sarah Squall, Cupid Carmine, Lapis Lazuli, and Velociripper belong to me.  
> The fic being sporked, “[Jurassic Equestria](http://www.fimfiction.net/story/274432/jurassic-pony)”, belongs to [Dracosaurian](http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Dracosaurian), who may kindly keep it.
> 
> \- **Betas:** GlarnBoudin, Mattman the Comet, and eatpraylove.
> 
> \- **Rating:** T/PG-13 - Mild discretion advised on account of traditional dinosaur violence and a grouchy, impulsive, and thoroughly Not Amused super-teen with anger issues.
> 
> \- **Original Posting Date:** March 30, 2016
> 
> \- **[Original Document](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AYHnhSucVX4UozQvyZA82whJ49vuSiNIU26YhiISayA/edit?usp=sharing)**

 

Cover Illustration: “[ Applejack: Dino Rancher ](http://skyenami.deviantart.com/art/Applejack-Dino-Rancher-283155887) ” by [skyenami](http://skyenami.deviantart.com/)

 

 

> “‘Monster’ is a relative term. To a canary, a cat is a monster. We're just used to being the cat.”
> 
> — Dr. Henry Wu, _Jurassic World_ (2015)

 

**Pre-Mission**

 

**[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!]**

“ _AIEEEEEEEEEE!!!_ ”

The scream was followed by the scrambling of a pair of feet and then the slamming of a closet door. In other words, a typical afternoon in RC #333.

“Must you _always_ dive into the closet whenever that thing goes off, Lapis?” asked Sarah, heading towards the console.

“Look, I can’t help it, okay?” The other girl’s voice sounded a little muffled from deep inside the closet. “Do you seriously think I can outgrow that quirk in one day?”

“We don’t!” said Cupid, playing _Pokémon Omega Ruby_ on the couch and using the Writhing Mass as a rather wiggly footstool. “It’s just that we thought you’d get used to it by now.”

“She never will,” Sarah replied, at the same time pushing the big red button. “Okay, lesse what we’ve g— _OH SWEET MERCIFUL BRUCE BANNER!”_

Lapis, who had peeked out of the closet, let out a startled “YEEP” and slammed the door shut again.

“Uh-oh. What now?” asked Cupid, looking up from his new 3DS.

Sarah’s voice was faint. “ _My Little Pony_ … crossed with… with… _Jurassic_ Fothermucking _Park_!”

Cupid stood up and put the 3DS away. “Is that… bad?”

“ _Are you kidding me?!_ My family and I almost _died_ when we visited Isla Sorna in my homefic, for Pete’s sake! Of _course_ it’s bad!”

“What’s Isla Sorna, anyway? We’re not going there, aren’t we?”

Lapis finally plucked up the courage to step out of the closet and headed over to join the others as well. She read the report and shivered.

“Well, there’s good news and bad news,” she said. “Which do you want first?”

“Uh, bad news?” said Cupid.

“We’ve got another Stu. Some creep cosplaying as Owen Grady, to be specific.” She read the summary aloud: “ **So you've heard of people disappearing right? Well I'm one of those people. Ever since I bought those raptor eggs, a model of the bike I'm in Equestria working to find my way home and look for my brother somewhere out there in the Multiverse, while I keep Equestria safe from Rulons** ”

“And the good news?” asked Sarah.

“Well… We’re not going to Isla Sorna anytime soon.”

“Who’s Owen Grady, anyway?” asked Cupid.

“One of the main characters from the newest JP movie,” replied Lapis. “ _Jurassic World_ , I think. Unfortunately, I haven’t seen that movie yet, as much as I’d like to. I know neither of you have, either…”

“And we _all_ know what happened the last time we tried taking on a Stu by ourselves,” Sarah finished, nodding towards the younger girl’s prosthetic. “We need help. _Bad_.”

Before anyone else could say anything, she sat down in front of the console and typed down a quick message:

 

 

 

> To: DIC or DF
> 
> From: Agent Sarah Squall, DIC
> 
>  
> 
> Is anybody familiar with _Jurassic World_? We just got a crossover involving that movie and we could use the help. Thanks!
> 
>  
> 
> — Sarah

 

Upon hitting the ‘Send’ button, Sarah stood up and made for the closet. “I haven’t seen any of the _Jurassic Park_ movies myself, so if nobody responds to my message in like, fifteen minutes, we’re gonna have to rely on a Fictionary for this one.”

“Hey, aren’t you forgetting that our author saw the first three movies?” asked Lapis. “Or, for that matter, that his figurative hard-on for the franchise as a whole was why your homefic got so messed up in the first place?!”

“If he really _were_ that much of a fanbrat, that wacko Adam’s partnered with would’ve been scaly!”

“Touché.”

The next five minutes were spent picking up whatever the agents needed, with Sarah and Lapis arguing over who would be taking point, since both of them knew more than enough about _My Little Pony_ to suffice for the mission. They settled it by playing rock-paper-scissors, and Sarah won using, in her words, “that thing Adam’s wings are made of.”

“Hang on, doesn’t Falchion know _Jurassic Park_ as well?” Lapis asked, having no complaints about her loss. “I did mention just now that his author helped write your homefic, so—”

“You _know_ him?” Sarah spun around to face her. “And you didn't even _tell_ me?!”

Lapis flashed a pair of blush stickers on her cheeks _._ “Well, erm, to be fair, we… kinda didn’t really meet in person until a little while before the Body Swap Incident this past September.”

“Ah yes, the day I accidentally possessed Solvig in front of her partner,” Cupid said before chuckling in embarrassment. “No more nose-diving into anybody’s ‘pillows’ for me, thank you very much.”

Lapis looked at Cupid in mild annoyance, at the same time peeling off one of her blush stickers and fidgeting with it idly. “All the same, you shouldn’t have gone there in the first place _._ Be grateful that you know better now, a certain kraken’s cuddling habits obviously notwithstanding.”

Cupid looked like he was about to protest, but wisely kept his mouth shut when Sarah sent the pair one of her “shut-up- _now_ ” looks. The angel could only sulk in silence, returning to his previous position on the couch while Lapis went back to checking the console.

“So, anyway, Lapis knows your brother now?” Cupid asked after a moment, idly prodding the Mass with his big toe.

“Apparently,” she replied. “I just wish it could've been me who introduced her to him or something.”

“Hey, you still have that chance with me! I’d love to get to know him too so I won’t be left out. Who knows, maybe he could even come with us on today’s mission like Lapis suggested!”

Sarah turned away, ignoring her partner enjoying a foot massage that only a tentacle monster could provide. “Yeah, well, there’s just one teeny-tiny little problem, and I swear he’s always got one of his six-inch retractable toe claws jammed halfway up somebody’s butth—”

Lapis cut her off. “Oh, uh… Sarah? I think you might wanna look at this…”

The older girl joined her in front of the console, realizing that there was a rather short response to her “Help Wanted” message. As soon as she saw who it was from, her eyes widened in horror.

 

> To: Agent Sarah Squall, DIC
> 
> From: Agent Velociripper, DF
> 
>  
> 
> I will be at your lair very shortly. Not only am I partly from the _Jurassic Park_ continuum, but I have seen _Jurassic World_ in full as well. You’ve been missing out by not watching this movie, Stratogale.
> 
>  
> 
> — Ripper

 

Sarah swore in three different avian tongues and threw herself away from the console as though it had caught fire. “No, no, _NO!_ Not _him!_ ”

“You and your big mouth,” Cupid laughed.

“This isn’t funny!” Sarah replied. “Do you even know what he did to me? To my family? To our _story_?!”

“You've told us too many times to count,” said Lapis. “We can do without you rubbing Ripper’s face in it, too.”

Sarah whirled on her. “Wait, he's _already coming_?!”

“The reply came in about six or seven minutes ago. Which means he should be here at any moment.”

Sarah took one look at her, turned to the nearest wall, and punched it with enough force to leave behind a small crater. “I shouldn’t have sent my message to the DF! I _knew_ he was there! How could I have been so _stupid?!_ ”

“You’re not _that_ stupid,” said Cupid, standing up and heading over to his boots lying on the floor. “I’ve made worse mistakes than you, as Lapis can attest. What is your problem with him, anyway? You can’t just assume he’s still a threat, especially since he now knows how things work around—”

Sarah made for the door and pressed her back to it, bracing the structure against the raptor’s impending arrival. “I don’t _care_ whether he’s reformed! That doesn’t change the fact that he did _so_ many horrible things to me and everyone I care about! He shouldn’t even be in the PPC in the first place, that feathery, glittery sack of—”

“For your information,” said a stoic, masculine, and partially muffled voice from behind the door, “I had my glitter extracted at least a _year_ ago, shortly after my first training mission. Your statement is therefore uncalled for, Sarah, as is your blocking the door.”

Sarah turned pale, looking down to see that the door handle had already turned completely while she was ranting.

“You might want to let him in,” said Lapis. “Like it or not, we need his help.”

Sarah gulped, realizing that she had no choice. She stepped carefully away, preparing to grab her ice sword. The _thing_ outside could be preparing to spring for all she knew. The door swung open and…

…a red-haired, Japanese young man stepped in, towering over all three of the Disentanglers. His gold-eyed, predatory gaze was directed at Sarah, who hid both hands behind her back, trying not to look murderous.

“ _Velociripper_ ,” she hissed.

“Stratogale,” Ripper replied cooly. He also nodded to the other two agents, whose reactions weren’t nearly as vitriolic.

“So… What other continua will be involved in today’s hunt?” he asked.

“Actually, the Stu will be venturing into the world of _My Little Pony_ ,” said Lapis. “Specifically, the fourth-generation series. Sarah and I both know _Friendship is Magic_ pretty well, so… yeah.”

“I’ll be taking point, because ponies,” said Sarah, glaring up at the disguised maniraptoran. “Lapis will be backing me up, Cupid will be providing extra firepower, and you’re only here because none of us know JP like you do. Not even me. So for the love of Bucky Barnes and Deadpool combined, don’t you dick around with us for even one _second_ , or so help me, you’ll be taking things up with the Lichen.” She paused and added, “Where’s Adam, by the way?”

There was a beat of dead silence before Ripper spoke, his expression momentarily looking just the tiniest bit uncomfortable. “Please don’t hold me responsible for this, but… well… I’m afraid Falchion will not be joining us today.”

“What?! _WHAAAAAAT?!_ ” Sarah looked utterly livid. “What did you do to him _this_ time?!”

Ripper’s stare remained as emotionless as ever, but the corners of his mouth turned downward in a slight grimace. “I have not physically hurt him, the sun forbid, but he and I have had a few… _disagreements_ over the last few hours, sorry to say. Put it this way: What would be your first reaction if you learned — the _hard_ way — that badfic of _Dora the Explorer_ exists?”

The image of every living thing in the RC recoiling in horror and disgust would be burned into the _Deinonychus_ agent's memory for weeks afterwards.

“Okay, that’s… _somewhat_ a little more understandable,” said Sarah, forcing down the bile that had welled up in her throat. “You have my sympathies, and as someone who wishes you’d gotten digested all those months ago, that’s really saying something.”

Lapis, who had nearly fainted, turned back to the console. “I hope that poor Skarmory’s gonna be okay soon… I can’t even begin to imagine how he must’ve felt.”

“I fail to comprehend Falchion’s capacity for human emotion, let alone his revulsion at such an innocuous cartoon, but that is not a critical issue,” said Ripper, pulling out his Tao Cannon. “Now, if you don't mind, I do not wish to discuss this further. We have an invasive specimen to pick off.”

“Thank Palutena it isn't an invasive _species_ ,” Cupid replied, having put his sandals on and ordered the Mass to ‘stay’. “Where do we start?”

“If we’re heading into Equestria, we’ll have to mimic genera native to the habitat, which presumably includes at least three different fantasy equines as well as several chimeric minorities. In other words, you’ll have to be ponies.”

“What about you?” asked Lapis, idly spray-painting her hair. “You didn’t include yourself…”

Ripper’s nostrils flared slightly. “While I don’t mind a mammalian disguise, I _do_ mind being camouflaged as an herbivore. Unless there is a dangerous species that imitates a harmless one.”

“Changelings do that, though. Rayner’s current partner disguised herself as one on her first mission.”

“Her case is different from mine. I have largely given up on any Suvian ambitions since migrating to the PPC, and I certainly did not shapeshift into any forms besides humanoid and paravian.”

Sarah glared at him. “Will you make up your mind already, you six-foot turkey?! The sooner we get this mission done, the sooner I can kick you out of this RC!”

“Hey, Ripper isn’t a turkey!” said Cupid, picking up a random beige cube lying on the floor. “But y’know, if he wants to be one, he can always use a bird disguise or something. Can I be a pegasus, by the way?”

Ripper snorted and turned to the Disguise Generator. “If Falchion’s knowledge is anything to go by, there _is_ an avian species in this continuum, or one that’s at least partly derived from the clade. I’m uncertain how well a griffon would be able to blend into an equine majority, however.”

“Griffons have gotten along well with the general pony society before,” said Lapis, heading over to the closet to find the appropriate DVDs. “Heck, even _Gilda_ of all people settled things with Rainbow Dash partway through Season 5. So you should be fine as long as you and Sarah don’t tear each other to bits. Anyway, I’ll be a unicorn.”

“I suppose I’ll be a pegasus as well,” said Sarah. “And Ripper, Lapis is right. Unless you want to see the inside of a dinosaur’s belly _again_ , stay out of my way.”

“Technically,” Ripper replied, aiming a fierce look at Sarah, “the _Tylosaurus_ that devoured me so long ago was a genus of marine _lizard_ , and not a dinosaur in the cladistic sense. And for your information, I don’t particularly care to engage in territorial combat against you unless you initiate it yourself, so _please_ stop treating me as though I am still the villain here.”

Sarah was about to protest, but Cupid interrupted her. “I think we’ll need this, too!” he said, holding up the beige cube. “Crash-Test Dummy. Lapis read the summary to us earlier. I’m guessing this fic is in first person, so… yeah.”

Ripper shrugged, before turning back to the console and programming the disguises and portal coordinates. Then he strode through the portal that opened up, whistling the tune of “Walk the Dinosaur” all the while. Cupid was the next to follow, leaving the girls behind.

“You don’t think this is still gonna end badly for at least one of us, don’t you?” asked Sarah, aiming a glare at the portal.

“On the contrary,” Lapis replied, “I’m _sure_ of it.”

 

********************

 

**The Mission**

 

No sooner had the girls stepped into the Word World, apparently outside of some generic-looking building, when something large and fluffy bounded up to greet them before they could even adjust to the four-legged stance. **First POV** let out a loud SNRF as it bowled over the purple pegasus at the front of the group, who had a black mane in a ponytail, navy-blue “socks” on her legs, and a cutie mark like a silver cross between a capital letter G and a hurricane symbol.

“AHHH! GET IT OFF!” Sarah tried to wrestle the creature away, but to no avail.

Lapis, currently in the form of a light blue unicorn with a peg leg and blue trident cutie mark, reached out and tickled the POV under its chin with her left front hoof. It immediately rolled over in the hopes of a belly rub, unwittingly freeing its captive.

“Shame we can’t really keep this guy,” said Lapis, stroking the elephant-sized creature’s underside with her good hoof. “I already have a pov back at the RC, and this one’s probably too big for it anyway. How do you do telekinesis, anyway?”

“Just put it anywhere,” said Sarah, getting to her hooves. “And the magic moving thing probably requires simply thinking hard about what you want to move and where you want it to go. Anyway, we should hide, I think. The Stu and his brother are about to head off to some kind of **ComicCon**.”

Lapis nodded, and then concentrated on opening up her Bag of Holding (now a saddlebag), taking out the RA, and then opening a portal to the Mini Adoption Agency. The POV was a little too stubborn for the time being, however, and after one too many instances of it distracting her from trying to use her magic, she was forced to give up while it nuzzled her cheek.

“Where are Cupid and Ripper, anyway?” she asked, closing the portal. “I’m guessing they're already tailing the Stu?”

“I CAN FLY! I CAN _FLY_!!! FINALLY!!” someone shouted faintly above them.

The fillies yelped and looked up. A white pegasus with a brown tufted mane was doing loop-de-loops in the air, pursued by a griffon with broad wings and a red-brown pelt.

Ripper was desperately trying to get Cupid to calm down, but the winged pony was moving too quickly for him. Although the raptor agent had expected to be able to catch him due to being able to fly as well, neither of them expected a light blue aura to suddenly surround Cupid, followed by an invisible force which yanked him down to the ground.

“Hold your Ponytas, Angel Face.” said Lapis, trying not to sound shocked that her moment of panic had caused her to pull off her first spell so easily. “We can’t let the Stu notice us — especially since we aren’t even in Equestria yet.”

“Wha — Oh! Right, sorry!”

Velociripper landed next to the group, and the girls gave their partners a quick once-over. Cupid’s mane and tail looked exactly like Pit’s hair, and his light blue cutie mark was the bow-and-arrow _Kid Icarus_ icon from _Super Smash Bros_. Ripper’s griffon disguise, meanwhile, had the rust-colored fur of a World One mountain lion and the dark brown feathers, cruel yellow beak, and formidable talons of a golden eagle.

“We need to determine the nature of this invader,” said Ripper, idly preening his wing. “Given that you three aren’t human right now, I guess humans aren’t indigenous to the habitat we’re visiting?”

“Not in this generation,” said Lapis. “Some humans visited Equestria back in the first generation, but humans don’t exist in FiM, the _Equestria Girls_ movies aside.”

The scene suddenly changed to a generic convention center, sending everyone sprawling. Since they’d been near the building beforehand, Sarah didn’t get the sick feeling she normally did after jarring scene changes. _Thank the Princesses and the Justice League for small favors_ , she thought.

The other agents and the POV looked around. Apparently, Cupid and Ripper had already gotten the dummy working before the fic had begun; the currently featureless Stu and his brother were in line in front of the ticket booth at the Comic Con, with generic patrons dressed in various costumes milling about. A few stopped and stared at the four ponies, and Sarah was sure she’d heard a few remarks about “really well-done fursuits”.

“Well, one advantage of being at a Comic-Con,” said Lapis. “Nobody’s gonna look twice at three ponies and a griffon running around.”

“Until they notice that the costumes have no seams, right?” asked Cupid.

“Maybe. But we won’t be sticking around for long, anyway. Just act natural, everyone, and we should be fine.”

Unfortunately, “acting natural” didn’t include walking around on all fours — and when the agents tried standing on just two each, they ended up finding it too hard to stay balanced upright like people and kept on falling flat on their backs or faces.

“I will never understand the quadrupedal stance,” said Ripper. “I know it applies to most mammals and many herbivorous dinosaurs, but what practicality would there be in walking on all four legs?”

“Four-legged animals generally have two strides overlapping each other as they run,” said Cupid. “So we’d be able to run away from the Stu a lot faster if he tries to kill us… Right?”

“Do we skip ahead or no?” asked Sarah. “I think there’s an incoming scene shift, since the Stu and his nondescript brother wait for two hours before getting in.”

Then Ripper lifted his beak into the air, understandably annoyed that his griffon disguise didn’t come with an acute sense of smell. He’d have to rely on sight alone for this mission.

“Group up and protect the foals, herbivores. We have a problem.”

Lapis shot him a nasty look, but decided that it wasn’t worth arguing with somebody armed with talons as long as human fingers. “It’s the Stu, isn’t it?” she asked instead.

“We have to portal ahead of the scene shift. Falchion has told me of Sarah’s… problems with time compression, and—”

The ponies stampeded through a portal before Ripper could finish. He shrugged and followed his own advice, before…

 

> **I saw two DC-17 pistols, a gauntlet with an eye in the middle, some anime stuff and most of all 4 Velociraptor eggs and a model of Owen Grady's bike.**
> 
> **"I'd like the raptor eggs, the pistols and the bike please."**

 

The agents stared at each other, horrified.

“ _How_ did that stuff get past security?!” said Lapis. “Our author has been to several anime conventions, and they have a strict anti-firearm policy! Not to mention the fact that _live animals_ are pretty much out of the question, extinct or otherwise.”

“If he does hatch some raptors, can we put them in the DMFF?” asked Cupid.

“Unless they turn out to be the canon raptor pack from _Jurassic World,_ ” said Ripper. “Which would be more likely if they appear as adults later.”

 

> **Yup that's my name, Owen Grady, kind of a coincidence that my name was the guy I was cosplaying as.**

 

Ripper flared out all of his fur and feathers with an audible _poof_ and let out a hiss like a pissed-off goose. Even the POV cowered slightly at this.

“Okay, _no way_ can a costume do _that_ ,” said Cupid.

“This is _definitely_ charge-worthy,” Ripper said in a calm but sinister voice. “As I suspected, the predator is mimicking the canonical Owen Grady. At least this is not the actual character appearing in this gathering.”

“Still, that name’s totally not coincidental,” said Sarah. “Things aren’t looking up for this guy alre—”

 

> **He pulled the trigger randomly and out came a blaster bolt and hit the ground and a portal erupted and he got sucked in.**
> 
> **"Gabe! No!" I shouted as I tried to grab him, but he slipped through before I could reach him. My vision was getting hazy and muttered my brothers name before I blacked out.**

 

Lapis screamed and leaped onto Sarah’s back.

“Well, _crap,_ ” the Super agent said, before giving the others a stern look. “Follow my lead. Off to Equestria we go!”

One portal later, the agents landed in a colorful, rather two-dimensional land. Nearby, the Stu woke up, and found himself surrounded by four predatory dinosaurs, which all looked strangely scared.

Sarah backed away, muttering “NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE” over and over under her breath, Lapis still riding her like a jockey with a terrified expression.

“Are those the raptors we saw in the trailers?” whispered Cupid.

Ripper gave him a sideways glance before answering. “According to the fic, yes. Their names are Blue, Charlie, Delta, and Echo, in that order. Maybe we _should_ contact the DMFF after—”

He was interrupted by yet another scene shift. The group ended up sprawled over each other again, this time on the back of another POV, **Third POV** , that had appeared out of nowhere. The group suddenly found themselves in the courtyard of a very large and elegant castle.

Sarah retched, trying to prevent her lunch from ending up on the lawn, but Lapis gazed up at the palace, her mouth agape. “Whoa… This is the Canterlot royal palace!” she whispered. “Oh no, if _Celestia_ gets involved…”

“Celestia?” asked Cupid. “Is she like Lady Palutena?”

“Well, sort of, yeah,” said Sarah, trotting over to them. “Celestia is an alicorn, a physical deity as far as ponies are concerned. She’s responsible for raising the sun every day, and she’s a really nice pony to have around. Think of Khepri from _SMITE,_ but as a winged unicorn instead of a giant beetle.”

“Ah, now _that_ makes sense!”

“And speak of the devil, Celestia and her sister, Luna, are now talking about what’s happening with their guards. I think they’re going to find the Stu!”

Then they heard a commotion somewhere in the distance, followed by a loud roar. The princesses took off towards **Everfree** , with several guards in tow.

“What was that?” asked Cupid.

Sarah checked the Words and scowled. “A bunch of Random Manticores, that’s what. And the raptors and Celestia’s guards kill them all, natch.”

“Wait, **Everfree** _?_ ” asked Lapis, trying to keep the POVs from flattening her with nuzzles. “Why would Everfree Forest be near Canterlot? It’s literally next to Ponyville, and that’s an entire train ride away!”

“I’ll let you and Stratogale deal with the charges related to this continuum,” said Ripper. “My primary purpose is to take care of any _Jurassic Park_ -related charges. Which reminds me… I don’t remember _Velociraptor_ s growing up into adults within a matter of minutes. Before the Stu entered this world, they were mere _eggs._ ”

“Yeah, _major_ charge there.”

A moment later, a small creature with a horse-like head and a patchwork serpentine body appeared in front of them.

Ripper looked at the creature as though considering whether it was edible or not. “And what could this be?”

“A mini-Discord,” said Sarah. “That must be because it’s Everfree _Forest_ , and not just Everfree.”

“We should send this one to wherever they put the mini-Discords,” said Lapis. “Maybe the OFU of this world?”

“Yeah, that would be a good idea,” said Cupid. “I’ve already got my hands full with the Writhing Mass and a mini-Nekomata, and you’ve got like what, two minis and a pov?”

“I can always adopt one of your minis,” said Ripper.

“Nu-uh! You’d just try and eat them, won’t you?!” Sarah snapped, opening a portal to the Royal Fanfiction Academy of Equestria.

“I get along well enough with the minis at my own RC. One more can’t hurt.”

“I can’t possibly care less.” Sarah turned to the mini. “Get in the portal, and stay put until someone adopts you. Unless you want Lapis to petrify you?”

Lapis aimed her horn at the mini to emphasize her partner’s threat; the visibly spooked mini immediately took to the air and hurried through the portal without looking back.

No sooner had the agents closed it, however, when Sarah glanced at the Words and let out a whinny of rage. “WHAT THE F—”

“ _Language_ , please,” Ripper snarled.

“You are _no_ fun at _all!_ ” Sarah cried. “Anyway, Celestia using a translation spell is fine and dandy, but why would she use it to make the _raptors_ talk?! WHAT THE _BUCK_ HAS THIS WORLD COME TO?!”

Cupid, who had not spoken throughout all this, gulped audibly. “Does this mean the raptors have been replaced, too?”

Ripper shook his head. “I doubt it. Just influenced by the uncanon spell. If we can neuralyze them, they should be fine.”

“Guess that means we can move on, then?” asked Lapis.

Ripper nodded. “That would be a good idea. The Stu has been taken in by Celestia, but I don’t think the fic will be centered around him for now. If this really is _My Little Pony_ , wouldn’t there be a main-character herd to focus on?”

Sarah gasped. “Oh, no. The Mane Cast, we’ve gotta go find them! C’mon, guys, let’s get to the next chapter.”

 

 

> **_Present Day_ **
> 
> **A class of ponies were on a field trip to see all the statues in the garden. They passed a statue of three ponies doing acrobatics, one holding a flag, one of a mismatched creature and lastly one with a human and four raptors in a hug. The class stopped at the statue.**
> 
> **"Miss Cheerilee. What's that statue mean?" a gold filly with a red mane and an abnormally large pink bow on her head asked.**
> 
> **"Actually I don't know Applebloom. Let me see the plaque." the teacher said, she was a purple mare with a mane that has two shades of pink.**
> 
> **She read the plaque and said " Well it says that this represents family and that you should never let go of your feelings for them and protect them at all costs. It also says that the figures were friends of Princess Celestia in olden times."**

 

No sooner had the agents stepped into Chapter 2, specifically at the garden in front of the palace, when Sarah and Lapis covered each other’s mouths to avoid screaming with fury.

“Okay, whatever’s going on with you two, that’s _not_ a good sign,” said Cupid.

“You _think?!_ ” Sarah’s face was already turning a brilliant scarlet. “The Stu and his raptors arrived literally _a thousand years_ before the current timeline! _They influenced almost the entire history of_ Friendship is Magic!!”

Ripper clicked his razor-sharp beak. “I suspect I would _not_ like to know how they ended up being petrified…”

“At least we know when this takes place,” said Lapis. “Discord first busted out of his stone imprisonment at the start of Season 2. So the newer seasons aren’t being taken into account.”

After the class left, the Stu and his raptors somehow turned back into their flesh-and-blood forms, and after scaring the guards, they headed off to see Celestia.

Sarah face-hooved. “Discord broke out because he sensed the CMC arguing. They didn’t have that argument here, so not only can Discord not show up, there’s literally _no bucking way_ the Stu and company can get out on their own!”

“This is already a dangerous situation,” said Ripper. “A pack on the loose like this could decimate the local equine population within a matter of weeks. We must keep him from leaving this area at all costs.”

Sarah’s death glare would have frightened off the _Indominus rex_. “Ripper, think about how successful you were trying to stop V-Wrex. You think going up against this Stu would be any different? We don’t even know what he’s capable of yet!”

“Then why should we wait and find out?” Ripper flexed his talons. “Our chargelist will only grow from here if we stall for too long. We need to lead him away from the herd before we strike, and that may mean taking him on before he reaches it.”

“Look, I don’t _get_ all your stalking and herd and invasive species horse-apples, and I can’t possibly care less. Just _keep it away from me_ , and let us handle the MLP canon. Besides, as big as our chargelist is, we’re not even halfway through Chapter 2 just yet! Just… Just stop being a controlling dick for once and _trust us_ , alright?”

Ripper made to swipe at Sarah, but he was held back by Lapis levitating him into the air.

“She’s right. I understand why you’d want to get rid of this Stu ASAP, but even if you think being proactive is the right thing, for all we know you could be rushing into a fight you can’t win. You have to consider the raptors, and that weird gauntlet that he’s got! We haven’t even _seen_ what it can do yet, and while I’d rather not find that out, I have a feeling we probably should for the sake of the Duty.”

Ripper considered this for a moment, and then sighed. “Fair enough. Perhaps it would be better for me to observe our quarry interacting with the herd. Determine his weaknesses. You can take care of your chargelist, but at least let _me_ stalk and track him. And put me down, while you’re at it.”

Lapis gave him a warning look, but humored him regardless. “We’ve gotta find the Mane Six. If they run into the Stu and get Suefluenced too, there’s gonna be trouble.”

Sarah checked the Words, and her heart sank. “Bad news, guys. They already have.”

 

 

> **"Princess what's happening why isn't my magic working?" Twilight said.**
> 
> **"It appears an old enemy has returned and his name is Discord and only one thing can stop him and that's the Elements of Harmony" Celestia replied. We started walking farther into the Solar Wing.**
> 
> **"Okay Princess, but who is he?" she asked pointing at me.**
> 
> **"He is an old friend, but that's all I'll answer for now."**
> 
> **We reached a vault thing and Celestia opened it with her horn and got out a box and opened it, but there was nothing inside. Everybody gasped, but not me because I knew what was going to happen for you see I'm a brony.**

 

Because of the excessive use of “ands”, Celestia opened the vault, removed the box, and opened it all at the same time. Sarah and Lapis both fell flat on their faces, completely failing to disguise their anger while a stray comma passed by.

“What’s a brony?” asked Cupid.

Lapis peeled her face off the floor, ignoring Sarah and Ripper’s impromptu stink-eye contest. “It used to be a catchall term for fans of this series outside of the target audience, which is what I’m guessing is the case here. It’s become extremely derogatory over the years, though, in no small part due to how some of the so-called ‘fans’ have turned out to be extremely nasty people.”

“Ouch. Remind me never to be a brony.”

“Oh, no, liking the show itself is fine! Sarah and I both do, if you haven’t noticed. It’s the _fandom_ , or at least its worse-behaved members, we can’t stand.”

“Gotcha,” said Cupid. “But for the record, _any_ fandom can have a nasty element to it. I’m diehard obsessed with _Smash Bros._ , so I know that all too well.”

“True. Very, very true.”

The chapter ended with Discord appearing, but the transition between chapters was barely noticeable, so the worst the resultant wobble did to the agents was make them stumble and try to regain their balance.

 

 

> **I will warn you once for young readers. Excessive amount of gore and dark in this chapter. You have been warned.**

 

As the Author’s Note rang overhead, Lapis fell off Sarah’s back with a goat-like bleat, her legs in the air; Sarah guessed she’d momentarily fainted.

Cupid looked livid. “Okay, I don’t know either of the continua here, and even _I_ know this is gonna be bad!”

“Wasn’t it obvious since we jumped into this whole debacle?” Sarah snorted.

Ripper was already rambling off a potential plan. “The key is to separate the intruder from the rest of the pack before herding him into the kill zone. The raptors will probably want to kill us if we try and attack him the way the manticores did…”

Sarah side-eyed him, but decided not to argue, instead checking the Words. “Well, looks like Discord’s talking with Not!Owen…”

“Yeesh, center of attention much?” asked Cupid.

Before Sarah could answer, however, the Stu said, **"Yeah and I can do this."** before **snapping my fingers and summoning a Stegosaurus with laser cannons and cybernetic eye.**

Lapis, who had only just gotten up, did the fainting goat impression again.

“What, WHAT, _WHAT?!_ ” Sarah howled, grateful that she was outside and the Stu couldn’t hear her. “ _There’s no prior indication that he could do that! What the BUCK is WITH this bastard?!_ ”

Ripper bore a faint scowl. “This is a bigger problem than I anticipated. If this Owen mimic could summon and command other creatures, then he may be able to drop an army on our heads if we make a move against him. Catching him off guard is our best chance of survival, and I doubt it’s a _good_ chance.”

Sarah tossed her head. “Look, _none_ of our chances of survival were good on our previous missions, because the _chances_ of survival depended on luck alone and not, say, a ton of planning! I know you want to help us out, and I can understand why now, but you have to at least _cooperate_ with us. You’re not the only one doing the Duty here, and you’re certainly not in charge!”

“Then who is the one responsible for the _Jurassic Park_ charges?”

Cupid raised a hoof. “Can I? I can use the Fictionary, and Backslash has been helping me learn to read, so—”

Ripper silenced him with a glare. “You’ve only dabbled in the JP continuum so far. I’m _from_ that continuum, and I know what I’m doing. So do what you will, but at least take my suggestions into consideration rather than trying to _deny_ me the opportunity to contribute because you _mistrust_ me.” He glared at Sarah.

“I have every bucking _reason_ to,” she spat. “I specifically _warned_ you against trying anything stupid, and what you’re up to could very well be exactly that anything if you go in before we figure out what this meanie is capable of! You get what I’m saying?”

Ripper lowered his head, looking away from her. “Have I told you yet that I actually _didn’t_ have any intent of bringing you and your relatives harm?”

“No, you — what?”

“I was most angry at Terrordactyl, but you were in my way and ended up taking much of the collateral damage. I understand that I was an _antagonist_ back then, but you must know that my vitriol wasn’t directed at you. I am _also_ well aware that we will never be able to make amends on the sole basis that we were and always will be on opposite ends of the moral scale. But that is _not_ an excuse to take out your frustration on me just because you despise me.”

Sarah frowned. “Well, saying you’re sorry won’t do anything now, not after everything you put me and my family through. And for the record, _it never will._ ”

“I'm not asking you to forgive me, _Stratogale_. But you shouldn't discredit me just because of that, because really, do any of you know JP as much as I do?”

The other agents looked at each other helplessly.

“Exactly,” said Ripper. “Now, are we going to track down this intruder, or are we going to keep arguing and give ourselves away?”

Sarah glared at him, but said nothing.

“Maybe you should take us to the Stu,” said Cupid. “He's probably long gone by now, but if we can just find out where he'll end up next…”

Ripper checked the Words, scowling. “A town called Ponyville, I believe. I assume this is a canon habitat?”

“Ponyville is where the Mane Cast lives in the MLP series,” said Lapis. “The second season premiere has Discord returning and causing general mayhem there. We’d better follow the Stu before he makes an even bigger mess of the town!”

The agents stepped through the portal, and into a totally chaotic battle sequence. An army of cybernetically-enhanced dinosaurs and pterosaurs took on Discord’s horde of MLP monsters and transformed animals.

“Are **rocs** even a thing in this world?” asked Cupid.

Sarah had to turn away from the battle to avoid going utterly berserk. She took a deep breath and answered Cupid’s question: “There was one in the comics, yes. All the other monster species have also appeared in the TV series or tie-in comics at some point. But… _But… WHY WOULD DISCORD BE ABLE TO SUMMON THOSE THINGS?!_ ”

“Because he’s an entity of chaos who sees no fun in making sense?” Lapis asked with a deadpan expression.

Sarah whirled to face the other agents. “Even so, there was _no_ evidence that he had an army of monsters, and he just operated by himself! Loki’s helmet-hair, _THIS FIC IS A BUCKING MESS!_ ”

“So, does this mean we kill it now, before things escalate even further?” asked Ripper.

Lapis and Cupid resumed paying attention to the Words at that point, and just in time, too. The Stu was now confronting Discord, who promptly said, **"But now I have to kill you and your daughters for ruining my plans."**

The fight began anew as the agents watched in horror; Discord threw an exploding piano followed by a spear — which would have killed the Stu, if one of the _Velociraptor_ s hadn’t leaped in front of it.

Ripper let out a screech of rage, while Lapis used her magic to pull out the DVDs. Sarah and Cupid both spread their wings, preparing to take to the sky.

 

 

> **I started walking to Discord with a black chaos ball in my hand and said "You can do many things Discord... Destroy Ponyville, take over Equestria or kill me, BUT YOU. DO. NOT. HURT. MY DAUGHTERS!"**
> 
> **I thrust the chaos ball in my chest and started to change. My body became pure black, my eyes turned blood red, I grew taller, my bones readjusted, my face turned into a muzzle, my teeth grew sharp, three horns burst out of my head, my back sprouted three sails and bony plates grew out, two giant leathery wings, poison glands, a spiky tail with a club at the tip, a frill tipped with spikes and all the armor and weapons from the fallen dinos attached to me.**

 

“ _THAT’S IT!_ ” Sarah shot forth like a rocket and bucked the Stu upside the head, interrupting his charge at a panicking Discord. At the same time, the DVD smacked into the canon’s head, and Lapis appeared next to him.

“In the name of Lauren Faust, I bid the wraith who has possessed this canon _BEGONE!_ Cupid, hold him down! AAH!”

The struggling draconequus tried to lash out at Lapis, but a four-hooved blow to his forehead from a dive-bombing Cupid put a stop to that. Lapis used her magic to smack him in the chest with the DVD, causing an urple mist to emerge from his mouth. The mist took the form of a dragon and roared at the agents.

“Get Discord to FicPsych, _now!_ ” Lapis whinnied, opening a portal. “Sue-wraith, by order of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, you are hereby convicted of the following charges: Possession of the canonical character of Discord; making Discord attempt to _kill people;_ giving Discord the ability to summon monsters, which _he has not demonstrated in canon_ ; and indirectly aiding and abetting a Gary Stu. _Buck off, you MONSTER!_ ”

The dragon-wraith roared and dived at her, but Cupid was faster. He bucked it in the chest, and it exploded into glittery vapor. The agents then grabbed Discord with their hooves and hauled him through the portal.

Ripper, meanwhile, had grabbed the mortally wounded Blue by the back of her neck, and was attempting to drag her through a portal to Medical. Unfortunately, the raptor was having none of it, struggling and crying out in terror even with Discord’s spear sticking out of her chest.

"Dad help! HELP!" she cried.

“Be quiet, or you’ll attract the predator!” Ripper was visibly panicking, his feathers ruffled, and his grasp on Blue was beginning to slip even though he was digging his talons in as hard as he could without hurting her further.

Then a shadow loomed over him. He looked up to see the Stu, still in his chimeric saurian form, glaring down at him.

"YoU wIlL nOt TaKe HeR aWaY fRoM mE!(1)" the Stu roared. He lashed out with a huge claw and caught Ripper square in the side, sending him flying; the griffon smashed into the side of a house and slid down, stunned.

The Stu charged towards Ripper, teeth bared, but before he could strike, a purple blur swept the griffon out of harm’s way, causing Not!Owen to demolish the house with his face. Ponies everywhere screamed in terror at the sight of the Stu and ran in all directions, the stampede making the ground quiver; the POVs, who had accompanied the agents this whole time, were all too eager to join in.

“RIPPER, YOU _IDIOT!_ ” Sarah cried. “We’re now going to _die_ because of—”

Ripper coughed and glared at her. “At this point in time, the idiot here is probably _you_ . Really, if you want to get eaten so badly, then by all means, please charge in without a _strategy._ ”

Sarah face-hooved. “Discord was about to get _impaled_ , for buck’s sake! I had to—”

The spine-rattling roar made the two of them look around. The Stu was barreling towards them again, his maw open wide enough to swallow both agents whole. Sarah screamed.

A rock struck the Stu in the shoulder, making him look around. Cupid and Lapis had finished dragging Blue to Medical, leaving a _very_ surprised group of nurses hoping that at least one of them was also a veterinarian specializing in dinosaurs. It was Cupid who had tossed the rock, but now the two ponies had Not!Owen’s undivided attention.

Sarah quickly dragged Ripper over to the portal and pushed him through, before rejoining her own partners. All the while, the Stu was giving them a look of anger and confusion, as though deciding who to eat first.

“Ooookay… A-any ideas, you guys?” asked Lapis.

“Just one,” said Sarah. “RUN AWAAAAAY!!!”

The three ponies bolted, screaming in terror, the Stu hot on their heels.

Ripper, meanwhile, found himself in his dinosaur form once more, and just before the nurses descended upon him, he remembered something he wished he had an hour ago.

After using his D.O.R.K.S. to disguise himself as a human, he reached into his hammerspace, pulled out his communicator, and dialed the appropriate number. It rang a few times before his contact answered.

_“Hey, wazzup?”_

“Suta, thank the sun!” Ripper’s breathing was ragged. “My rival’s pack and I need your help. _Badly._ ”

 

**********

 

“Well, it’s been good knowing you two,” said Sarah.

“Same,” said Cupid. “Even though Palutena can’t turn souls into angels, maybe I could find some way to convert you two, so we could hang out in Skyworld together?”

“That wouldn’t be a bad idea, actually,” said Lapis.

The three ponies had made a beeline for Everfree Forest the moment the Stu had given chase. His huge wings would surely get tangled in the branches if he tried to fly here, but on the other hand, the trees provided little room to maneuver. The Stu had the agents cornered in a small clearing hemmed in by thorn bushes.

Not!Owen had this in the bag. With these ponies out of the picture, nobody would hurt his babies now. He crouched, flexed his talons, and sprang…

It was as though someone had detonated a pound of C4 in the side of the clearing. Wooden trunks as thick as a pony’s neck were smashed to splinters as a green _Tyrannosaurus rex_ erupted forth, her razor-toothed maw clamping around the Stu’s neck, mid-pounce. With one swift movement, the newcomer spun in a full circle, taking her opponent along for the ride, and hurled the prehistoric chimera into a clump of trees, which collapsed on top of him. There was a _crunch_ of log meeting wing, the latter giving way like a chicken bone.

The _T. rex_ roared at the Stu, the sound leaving the agents’ ears ringing. Then she turned her massive head towards the agents, and spoke in a female voice. “You okay?”

Sarah nearly keeled over. “Oh, thank the Avengers _and_ the X-Men! _Suta!_ ”

“You’ve got Ripper to thank, actually, assuming we live!”

“I’ll worry about that later. You think you can take that thing down?”

“Oh, so you’re _asking_ me to commit suicide? No way! Our only hope now is to use a portal. Did you press charges yet?”

The agents gasped, and Lapis let out a small scream. “WE TOTALLY FORGOT!”

“Then do it now, before he breaks loose!” Suta positioned herself between the agents and the Stu, her footsteps making the ground tremble.

Sarah’s voice was a shout of rage. “Hey, ugly! Yeah you, with the big nasty horns and spikes and stuff! By order of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, you are hereby convicted of being a Gary Stu on account of the following charges: Being as synonymous with Owen Grady as possible without being a direct replacement; inserting yourself and several _Jurassic World_ dinosaurs into the _My Little Pony_ canon; befriending the princesses almost on the spot; somehow breaking out of a _freaking petrification spell_ without any excuse; having live animals and _weapons_ be sold at a World One Comic-Con; being able to summon _an entire freaking army_ of cyborg dinos with no justification; being able to _transform into a dinosaur chimera,_ again with no justification; exhibiting terrible beige prose and questionable grammar; having no qualms about using your stolen ‘pets’ to kill stuff; _attempting to kill Discord;_ and a metric buck-ton of other charges I don’t care about right now!”

She turned to her partners and added, “Say, guys, can we portal this bucker to the Yucatan? There’s a meteorite out there with his name on it!”

Suta noticed the Stu ripping his way free from the logs, and then she flashed a toothy smile. “I have a better idea. You guys have your RA ready?” She relayed the coordinates to her as fast as she could.

“Wait, we’re going to lead him there?!” asked Lapis, taking out the RA.

Suta bared her teeth at the Stu. “If you’re fast enough, we won’t have to. He’ll just walk right in!”

Lapis realized at that moment what she was talking about, and just in time, too. The Stu finally burst free from the logs, bleeding glitter from gashes all over his scaly body and with one wing hanging limply from his shoulder. He roared once more and charged at the agents.

Suta backed up while Lapis frantically worked the RA. An instant before the Stu made impact, he thundered straight through a large portal, and found himself hurtling towards a large lake. He swerved and tried to brake, but it wasn’t enough; he managed to dig his front claws into the pavement just as his lower half hit the water, sending out a cloud of bright, sparkly pink.

Looking up, Not!Owen saw the agents, plus Suta, peering through the portal. Bristling with anger, he laboriously hauled himself out of the water and roared at them once more — totally unaware of the enormous bow wave sweeping straight towards him.

He had only taken the first stride when the water exploded behind him. A pair of gigantic toothy jaws clamped around the base of his tail, causing him to scream in pain. He thrashed and struggled, but the huge sea reptile held fast, its massive bulk only halfway out of the water. It wriggled like a huge caterpillar for a few brief moments and then reversed into the water, dragging the struggling, screaming Stu with it. Then the _Mosasaurus_ dived, its powerful tail breaking the surface for a few seconds before vanishing into the depths, leaving behind a cloud of glitter and four wide-eyed, slack-jawed agents.

A few moments of silence later, Sarah turned to Suta and spoke in a small whinny.

“How did you know that was going to happen?”

Suta shuddered, but answered as calmly as she could. “I, uh, kinda figured it out. Ripper and I watched _Jurassic World_ a while ago and I guessed that water-dwelling Big Jaw would still be there after the park got shut down.”

Sarah laughed in embarrassment. “Y’know, I kinda used to think _T. rex_ es were slow and stupid, like in those old movies. You’re not like that. _At all._ ”

The tyrannosaur gave her a puzzled look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Sarah smiled. “You are _awesome_. For the love of Thor, you saved all our lives today! Thanks, big girl!”

“Ohhh, I get it now. Anytime!”

Cupid, meanwhile, had noticed something through the portal. He flew through it, and a moment later he returned with the soggy, shredded remains of the Crash-Test-Dummy held in his mouth. “Ptooey, yeech! Tastes like seawater!”

Lapis closed the portal, shaking her head with a nervous smile. “Well… That’s one dummy we’ll _never_ be able to repair, I guess!”

“It doesn’t matter,” said Suta, lowering her head so Sarah could pet her snout. “We’re all in a piece or four, and that’s what counts. Now, are we done here?”

“We’ve still got a few POVs to round up, some dino bodies to bury, and some ponies and raptors to neuralyze, but other than that I think we should be good,” said Sarah. “You still have your D.O.R.K.S. on hand? I’d rather not have a dino stomping around Ponyville, thank you.”

Suta grinned. “Happy to help! Though I’m pretty sure Snakey’s _not_ gonna be happy to hear of this, come to think of it.”

“We can worry about that later. Let’s go!”

 

********************

 

**Post-Mission**

 

A few hours later, the agents headed back to the PPC HQ, specifically the Medical ward. It was not a pretty sight: Ripper, in his human disguise, was lying in one of the beds, tended to by a little brunette angel and a man with long brown hair. An Asian man with a ponytail and piercing golden eyes hovered nearby (figuratively speaking), clad in a paint-splattered tuxedo.

Sarah guessed that the Asian was Tianlong in his human form, for no sooner had they closed the portal (Suta assuming her human disguise) when he rounded on the trainee officer.

“You have disobeyed the DIA protocol, _again,_ ” he said. “You went into a badfic unsupervised, you engaged in _direct_ combat with a Gary Stu, you used an inappropriate form with regard to the continuum in question, you failed to ask for my express consent prior to your misadventure…” He took a deep breath and glanced at the disentanglers. “…and you have saved the lives of three agents and who knows how many canons. I do not know whether to be very proud or very disappointed.”

“Snak — erm, Tianlong, I’m so sorry,” said Suta, bowing her head. “I had to go. They would’ve been killed otherwise!”

“Which would be perfectly excusable, at least from your perspective. However, I was not notified of this until after the fact. My assistance would have minimized any potential casualties brought about by your error.”

Suta bared her teeth in an ineffective threat display. “So I’m _still_ not good enough? You honestly think I can’t function without your supervision?!”

Tianlong shook his head. “I did not say that you were ‘not good enough’. If that were the case, these three Disentanglers would not be here at this moment. Unfortunately, however, standards are standards, and even if your intentions were for the best in the short term, you need to abide by them to keep the Flowers off your back.”

“I don’t have anything growing on my back, thank you!” Suta turned away, pouting. “And who cares what they have to say? I did the right thing, didn’t I?!”

“That I understand completely. Alas, I have to take you to see the Tiger Lily regardless. I will try to vouch for you because yes, you _did_ do the right thing, but I cannot guarantee that you will not be penalized for your folly. Now, if you will excuse me, we must find the Tiger Lily immediately, for I am certain she will be wanting us in her presence.”

He turned to the agents and added, “I am sorry this happened to you. Suta’s help could not have come at a better time, even if it was at the expense of the protocol. I can only hope a potential catastrophe like this does not happen again.”

Sarah gave Suta a pitiful look, but the trainee officer flashed a sympathetic smile and waved at her. Then Suta followed Tianlong out of the ward.

Everyone was silent for a few moments. Then Sarah turned to Panacea.

“How is he?”

The angel nurse looked clearly worried. “Ripper is lucky to still be alive after what happened. Almost every bone in his left side had been broken, and he was bleeding all over the floor when we found him. I cannot imagine what would’ve happened had Suta not been there.”

Ripper’s eyes blinked open, and he found Sarah almost immediately. He looked at her and scowled.

“Nice of you to stop by.”

“The hell it was!” Sarah looked incensed. “I am never repeating anything like that load of _dreck_ if it kills me!”

“Neither are we,” said Cupid. “So, will you guys have to keep him overnight?”

Dr. Appleday shook his head. “I’m afraid it will be much longer than one night before we can fix him. The damage is much too great. I haven’t seen an agent hurt this much since Chakkik met the wrong end of a God-Mode Stu last summer.”

Lapis replied to that one. “Does this mean he can’t go on missions now?”

“Not until he heals up. _Deinonychus_ are a lot like predatory birds today — if they break a limb, they can’t move about or hunt effectively. If it was just a few ribs, he could make do with a human disguise and some bandages, but…” Appleday glanced at Ripper’s bandaged limbs. What more needed to be said?

Sarah couldn’t take it any longer. She suddenly began clawing at her face, and then started shouting at Ripper. “I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE HATE _HATE_ YOU!!!”

Her partners had to hold her back, while Ripper raised an eyebrow at her.

“Why? Was it because I hurt your family, because I terrorized your brother, or because I represent an injection of selfish author appeal into an otherwise promising story?”

Sarah buried her face in her palms. “All of those are valid reasons, yeah. But you know why I hate you right _now_ ? Because for once, I was _wrong_ , and you were _right!_ Had I waited until we could catch the Stu when he was less dangerous, we could’ve avoided all of this! I _was_ an idiot, and I should’ve known that sooner!”

To the agents’ surprise, Ripper started to laugh. It was a mirthful but extremely creepy and evil-sounding laugh that would have made Light Yagami proud.

“Sarah, oh, Sarah… It’s all right for you to hate me, for any reason you can think of. Unlike your classic Mary Sue, I never asked to be loved or admired. I wanted to be feared, yes, but I grew out of it after arriving here. My point is, I don’t expect you to forgive me for my acts against you in the past. I _do_ , however, appreciate your honesty. Not many people willingly confess to being wrong in front of their worst enemy, you know. And anyway, had I actually _cared_ for MLP as much as you do, I probably would have acted the same as you did. The keyword being _probably._ ”

Cupid and Lapis both stared at him. Was he messing with them all, or was he actually growing out of his villainy to some degree?

Sarah wasn’t having any of it, and she stamped her foot with a cry of frustration. “Fine! I’ll hate you to my heart’s content! I adore hating you, and my contempt for your existence will burn with the heat of a thousand suns!”

She stood there, panting, but then she gazed down at her feet.

“That being said, though, I kinda have to thank you for fetching Suta. I know I’m not supposed to stroke your ego or anything, but… That was the nicest thing you ever did for us. Really, it was.”

Ripper chuckled and then sighed, flopping listlessly on his bed. “And I must thank _you_ , Sarah, for getting me to Medical in time. It was only fair that I return the favor, just this once.” He gazed up at the ceiling, his expression peaceful.

Sarah shook her head, disgusted with herself. “Can we go now? The turkey needs a break, I’m guessing.”

“That would be a good idea,” said Panacea. “Besides, who knows if you have another mission waiting for you back at your RC?”

Lapis gasped. “Aw, crap! We’ve left the console for too long!”

“Guess I can pet the dino another day,” said Cupid.

Ripper raised an eyebrow. “You wanted to pet me? Honestly, I would prefer a more peaceful scenario for such an endeavor. I feel you’d be better at hunting with all of your limbs attached — present company obviously excluded,” he added to a rather annoyed Lapis.

“So, what now?” asked Cupid.

“Maybe we should stick together?” replied Lapis. “Y’know, for survival?”

“Now, _that_ I can live with,” said Sarah.

One by one, the Disentanglers filed out of the Medical ward. Before Sarah exited, however, she gave Ripper two raised middle fingers. Recognizing the gesture, he likewise flipped her off with his good hand, before flashing a knowing smile at her.

And she couldn’t help but smile back.

 

#  **[END]**

**Author's Note:**

> 1) Yes, this really was how the Stu spoke in this form. Believe me, I checked.
> 
> GODS, THAT FIC WAS SO STUPID. ARGH. WHAT EVEN. I know this was quite a bit shorter than I had originally intended, but I decided to cut it off midway through because 1. I didn’t have the time to deal with the rest of it, and 2. the other two chapters just weren’t worth my effort after _so_ many charges. I think I lost a few brain cells reading the badfic, seriously.
> 
> The most hilarious part? The fic was remade shortly before I began sporking it… and it turned out EVEN WORSE than before. The Stu originally had a different name and marginally less outlandish abilities, but now his name was literally Owen Grady and… well, I think the rest is pretty self-explanatory. This stuff is just _begging_ for an MST, and it’s honestly a crying shame that I have too little time to make one at this time.
> 
> Special thanks to GlarnBoudin for not only beta-reading this mission alongside Mattman and eatpraylove, but also for alerting me to the existence of the original fic in the first place! ^_^
> 
> — SkarmorySilver
> 
>  
> 
> Rescued minis:
> 
>   * _My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic_ (mini-Discords):
>     * Everfree
>     * Applebloom (not actually found until this cross-posting to AO3; the official spelling is Apple Bloom)
> 

> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Other rescued creatures:
> 
>   * First POV and Third POV (POVs)
> 



End file.
